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[drive this car to the countryside yourself. I’m going to Lily's birthday party.]
As always, he wanted me to believe that he didn't love me.
But this car was the best one in our family.
I didn't try to stop him , but he hesitated for a moment.
[There's food in the trunk. Help yourself.]
I often wondered if this tangled marriage had any meaning, or if it only existed to pull me back and forth between hope and heartbreak. However, losing Ethan completely would probably be more painful, and both he and I would suffer.
So I chose to hold on alone.
Like every year, I set off on the 300-kilometer journey alone — because my mother’s grave wasn’t nearby.
my mother had been so disappointed in my father that she asked to be buried in her hometown when she died. My father never once visited her grave. because the anniversary of my mother's death was Lily's birthday, and he thought it was unlucky.
That quiet, faraway village held many of my childhood memories.
Whenever I had a break from school, my mother would bring me there to stay for weeks at a time.
I used to overhear my uncles and aunts saying my mother was useless and asking why she always had to step aside for others.
I didn’t understand what that meant — not until the day I called home. Lily answered. She called me “sister” so naturally — so sweetly.
From that moment, I knew — my father moved between two families without shame, without hiding.
Moreover, he loved that mother and daughter more.
I finally understood. It wasn’t that my mother was useless. She just couldn’t hold on to a man who never loved her. When I arrived, I got out of the car — and froze. I couldn’t remember where to go. My memory was slipping, faster than I thought.
In the end, my uncle had to lead me the rest of the way.
I knelt at my mother’s grave, lit incense, candles, and laid out the offerings.
And then — I broke down in tears.
[Mom, next time I probably won't even be able to find your tombstone. So I’ll stay here with you. we'll never be apart again.]
