Chapter 45
1144words
Alex rocked us like that for a while until my tears had dried and I started to get sleepy from the slow motion and his sturdy form.
When he finally spoke, his voice was low but clear. "Paul was an asshole, Laura, and I'm sorry that he hurt you. I hate that you had to experience that. You obviously cared about him." Alex sighed and the movement caused my head to go up and down. "I honestly don't know why he did what he did but I think he genuinely loved you and your mother."
I said nothing, content to listen to him. I liked his voice, ergo I liked listening to him talk.
"I think Cary's death was sad and I wish he and your mother could have had more time together." Alex paused, turned me in his arms to face him, cupped my cheeks and said, "But that's life, Laura. Your mother had a series of bad luck with men doesn't mean the same is going to happen to you."
Of course it doesn't. But...
"It could."
He nodded slowly. "Yes, it could. But what if it doesn't?"
I leaned away from him. "I'd rather be safe than sorry."
"Laura..." Alex sighed and ran a hand through his hair. At this rate, he was going to go bald before forty.
"The light in my mother's eyes died, Alex," I cried. "She's just there, freaking existing. Most times she doesn't even know I'm in the room. I don't want that to happen to me."
"It won't."
"You don't know that."
"Laura, I know that just because life was cruel to your mother doesn't mean it's it's going to be cruel to you too."
Of course I knew that. In fact, there was a possibility the same thing might not happen to me at all, but what if it did? I was my mother's daughter after all. What if we weren't so different? What if it was a family curse?
I scooted away from Alex and sat at the edge of the couch, staring down at the rug. Alex was suddenly making a rule I'd followed my whole life feel ridiculous, which in turn made me feel ridiculous.
There was a loud voice in my head telling me to throw caution to the wind and dive head first into this, but then there was another one telling me to run away as fast as I could.
"I don't think I'm willing to risk it."
He got up from the couch and lowered to his haunches in front of me. He tried to meet my eyes but I deliberately looked away, knowing that I'd break if I looked into those beautiful eyes. "All you have to do is try, Laura."
"You say that like it's so easy."
"It's not," he admitted quickly. "I'm begging you to."
There was so much plea and longing in his eyes, it rocked me. Something that felt dangerously close to want made my chest tighten with the urge to keep him. To be with him.
It was scary.
"But what if it goes wrong?" I voiced out my biggest fear. "I've seen firsthand what loss does to a person, Alex. I don't want that to happen to me."
Alex swallowed audibly. "It won't."
"Stop saying that! It could—"
"And what if it does?" He snapped, rising to his feet as he began to pace in front of me. "Even Shakespeare said it is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all."
I blinked, torn between laughing and crying. "You did not just quote Shakespeare to me right now."
He pursed his lips.
My heart raced in my chest, beating a fast rhythm. Fear. Hope. "And what does that even mean? That there's a huge chance this could go south?" Then I hastily added, "If I decide to give it a try."
Alex shook his head. He stopped pacing and stared at me, his eyes sweeping over my face so thoroughly, I could almost feel the strokes. Then he walked over to me again, squatting before me and sending my heart into overdrive. Tenderly, he took my hands. "I love you, Laura."
My breath caught and my heart stopped beating altogether, positive that I'd misheard him. I blinked. "W-what?"
"I do. Which means even if there's a tiny chance this could go wrong, I'll eliminate it." His eyes burned bright with emotion. "If you were mine, Laura baby, I'd never let you go. I'm not like Paul or any other asshole out there. I promise."
Was it possible that the qords, 'I love you' now translated to 'I hate you' or something similar in another language?
If it was, I didn't know of it. And I'd ask Alex but he looked very serious right now and I wouldn't want to make him feel a sort of way with the question, which meant...
Which meant he meant what he was saying. That he... Jesus. That he loved me.
Love.
I honestly didn't know what to say. I wanted to tug my hand out of his and run and I wanted to throw my hands around his neck and hug him. I wanted to throw up and I wanted to kiss him. Not in that order and ew.
In an attempt to lighten the mood, I said, "I thought you were just obsessed with me."
The intensity of his stare didn't lessen. "I'm both."
"You can't be obsessed and in love with me at the same time."
"Yes, you can. I'm the expert here so you have to listen to me." The words were fast and clipped, probably because I wasn't focusing on what I should.
But I didn't know how to respond!
My brows lifted. "You're the expert, huh?"
His eyes squeezed shut on a groan as he realized what he'd done. "Wait. No. Jesus Christ, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant—" He shook his head hard. "You know what? Forget I said that."
I couldn't help it. I laughed.
A full belly laugh that had me throwing my head back and chuckling until tears slid out of my eyes. When I could finally stop, wipe my eyes and look back at Alex, he was staring at me with a soft expression. Like.... Like he was in love.
Oh, God. He really did love me.
"Alex..."
"I love you, Laura," he breathed, cupping my cheek and brushing the pad of his thumb across my skin. "Tell me what I have to do. I'll do anything. Just please give us a chance."
My heart gave an odd little clench. I was such a fucking goner.
"Kiss me." I offered my lips to him and he groaned before covering my lips with his.
As his lips met mine, something became abundantly clear.
I was falling.
