Chapter 51
1303words
The words stumble out of her mouth like glass slicing her throat and tongue, her eyes are dark and stormy, the violet being swallowed by pain, pain I've never seen in her eyes before, pain i regret ever putting there,pain I will make sure i never put there again, i stand and sit on the bed next to her.
"No."
The word comes out pure without any hesitation, because yes, the answer is NO. I am not cheating on her and I never will, not even in my wildest dreams.
Her eyes never leave mine, they close and when I try to touch her, she swiftly moves her hand away out of instinct. That's the thing about us, we know when one is in the room even without physically seeing each other, we feel each other.
She nods once and I know it's not because she believes me.
She stands and walks to the other side of the room as if needing space away from me, while running her fingers through her hair.
"I want the truth Brandon, tell me the truth."
I stand.
"I'm not cheating on you."
"Just stop lying to me already!" She yells. "Stop lying!"
"I'm not lying to you, Kim. I would never do that to you."
"I know the truth! I know you were with a woman at the restaurant, I know you were with her at the mall, and you definitely weren't in New York to visit Brent!"
I pause, wait...
"You were with her in San Diego.." she whispers and I don't miss the hurt in her tone. "You've got nothing to say now?"
"Baby, I can explain." I walk to her and reach for her hand but she steps back.
"Get away from me."
"Just let me explain.." I say slowly but she shakes her head without even looking at me.
"I know you've been texting and calling each other, you saved her as Brent for God's sake, I'm not stupid."
"I swear i'm not cheating on you Kim, I would never do that to you and you know it."
"I thought I did, but I don't know anymore. You leave me in bed to talk to her, you text her when I'm sleeping right next to you!"
Tears roll down her cheek and my chest squeezes.
"I just need to know one thing for sure," she says and I know I won't like her question.
Our eyes lock and there's no trace of my Kimberly, we've fought a few times over the years but it's never been like this. About things like this.
"Marisa," she pauses and I internally curse, she knows it's Marisa, the time i hit rock bottom, i overheard my mother telling her my and Marisa's story, I'd never heard her talk so deep about what i did to myself back then, so i vowed never to put her through that situation again, Kimberly too. "Do you still love her?"
"No." Without hesitation.
"Just stop fucking lying to me, Brandon!" She yells and ends on a sob. "Just stop..." She whispers the last words.
"It's only you, it will always be you."
When we started college, Kim asked me about my first love and I was open to her with the truth, but I didn't go full in like my mom did, i just told her she left me and i did stupid shit during my heartbreak, and that i heard my mom telling her about it and all she said was true.
She wipes at her cheeks angrily and heads for the closet, taking out a small bag and throwing it on the bed.
I frown, eyeing the bag.
She grabs some folded clothes and stashes them inside the bag.
My eyes snap up to her's when I realize what she's doing.
"It's true that I wasn't in New York," she pauses. " I was in San Diego, but I wasn't with Marisa, I was at Xander's."
I slowly move to her and this time, she doesn't push me away when I turn her with a hand on her waist.
My green eyes meet her hard violent one.
"Marisa appeared out of nowhere, she's been refusing to leave me alone ever since, I've been pushing her away and didn't tell you because i didn't want you to get like this, i swear there's nothing going on between us."
"I still think you should have told me about it, I don't know if I can trust you right now, I need time to calm down and I need it away from you."
She steps out of my hold and carries the bag, then she's out the door.
I brace my hands on the wall, feeling like my head is going to explode.
"Fuck!" My fist meets the wall and I'm breathing heavily.
* *Three Days Later* *
Being alive but without breathing? Actually breathing but you 'feel' like you're not? That's how I feel with the absence of Kim.
She's been avoiding me since that day she asked if I was cheating on her a week ago, she's staying with the girls and they won't let me see her.
She won't even pick up my calls or reply to my messages, Marisa on the other hand is getting worse with her insistence, she just won't fucking quit.
My eyes open but I quickly lift my arm to shield my face when the morning light assaults my eyes. Groaning, I get to my feet and stumble my way to the kitchen to make some coffee.
"Well, I see you're finally awake."
Jonathan's voice speaks from behind me.
I came here last night because having to sleep in an apartment without Kimberly just feels so wrong. This is someone I've spent two years living with in the same house and sleeping with in the same bed.
"Yeah.." I answer with a tired voice.
"You know you can crush here for as long as you want right?" My eyes meet his and he adds. "Well, before Kim goes back to the house."
I wash the cup and place it on a board.
"Are you going to tell me what happened between you two?"
I know Jonathan is not stupid, if anyone is close in this whole circle, it's Xander, Jonathan and I. He's been having suspicions about me acting weird, so i told him about a certain someone bringing trouble to my life, he knows I would never cheat on Kim, but he surely advised me to make sure I knew what I was doing and to be careful.
"She found out about Marisa and left the house, she took a few things and I'm not sure when she's coming back."
"At least you know she's coming back since she didn't take every one of her belongings."
"It was bad, man. You should have seen her face, I've never seen her like that before." My finger taps on the counter and I turn to lean against it, fully facing him.
He opens the fridge, takes out a jar of juice and moves his way around the kitchen, making breakfast.
"And I'm guessing you won't give up?"
"Not a chance."
"Good, she just needs time, that's what girls usually need when they are pissed off about something."
"I just hope that need of space will be over soon."
He chews the last piece of toast, takes a sip from the juice and pats my shoulder on his way out of the kitchen.
"If you need some assurance, which I doubt you need but I'll say it anyway," his eyes meet mine. "That girl loves you to death as much as you love her, you'll both get through this as strong as ever,I believe in you guys."
"Thanks man."
He nods and walks out.
